Life Lessons Learned from a Special Son

By Max Donatelli

Max Donatelli, of Hamburg, works as a family advocate.

Our son, Craig, has Down syndrome, and has been living in a semi-independent living situation with six young men his age through Aspire of WNY in Amherst for the past seven years, and we have contact with him on a regular basis. He has been learning independent living skills from his dedicated staff. Recently, he came home with us to celebrate my birthday in March.

With the growing concerns about the coronavirus, we decided to keep him home with us for the time being. Over these past few months we have had some precious family time and I can’t help but appreciate him even more. Upon reflection, I am learning more about him and me.

My wife, Joyce, our daughter, Connie, my mom, Lois, and I welcomed our son into this world May 10, 1988, at Children’s Hospital. We were told Craig had Down syndrome by a wise and compassionate geneticist, Dr. Luther Robinson. Calling Craig by his name, he said we had a beautiful son. He told us he was healthy and would be able to do everything the other kids did, but it would just take him a little longer to learn.

Despite his positive forecast, we were initially crushed and skeptical based on our own fears and past stereotypes. However, our then 8-year-old daughter, Connie, said “at least he is ours, and we can take him home.” We did and he has been a joy ever since.

In addition, he has changed our lives in many ways and clearly for the better. We have learned to be staunch advocates for inclusion. Craig benefited from early intervention and he was schooled with his same-aged peers from kindergarten through high school. He has developed into a fine young man with a positive self-image and good social skills.

Prior to Covid-19, Craig had been employed part time with Denny’s for more than seven years, had taken drum lessons, swam at the YMCA, went regularly to Catalyst Fitness and enjoyed life with his housemates.

Since he has been home for these past few months, we have spent a lot of time together as a family. I feel I have gotten to know him even better. Whereas before he was learning things from us as parents, now I feel I am learning from him. Craig sees the world in such positive terms. He is optimistic and sees the best in people. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. His sensitivity and compassion are remarkable.

Craig is loving, kind and giving. He also likes there to be peace and harmony always. Further, he has a wonderful sense of humor and loves to laugh and joke.

We have been walking a lot for exercise, and when we do he says hi to almost everyone we pass, sometimes remarking, “nice shirt!” when he sees a logo for a band he likes. He is so open, spontaneous and friendly. He loves to talk and share his versions of the world.

On his own, he did about a 10-minute Facebook live on advocacy for more funding for people with developmental disabilities. Also, he has been watching videos of people with Down syndrome living independently.

It has been a real pleasure having Craig back with us these past few months. I have learned some valuable lessons from him then and now.

It is OK to view the world and people in more positive ways. He has helped me to be more open and friendly. Most of all I am happy to have him spend this quality time with Joyce and me.